Only Light I Ever Saw
by TheBlindWlHearAndTheLameWlTlk
Summary: "And I don't blame ya', dear For running like you did, all these years. I would do the same, you best believe. And the highway signs say we're close, But I don't read those things anymore. I never trusted my own eyes."


"And I don't blame ya', dear  
For running like you did, all these years.  
I would do the same, you best believe.  
And the highway signs say we're close,  
But I don't read those things anymore.  
I never trusted my own eyes."

I glanced down at my hands on the steering wheel of my little mazda as I waited for the gas tank to fill up. I felt guilty. Me taking off to drive six hundred miles to stay with my mom was definitely not what my dad had in mind when he bought me a car for my sixteenth birthday, a month ago. But it'd been three years since I'd seen my mom, and almost 6 months since I'd seen my older half-brother, Laken, when he'd driven through Cali looking at schools. And my mom had been so excited when I called her. Laken would be attending his first year of college at Sacramento U, and he'd decided to spend the summer in California so mom would have the house to herself. Not that it would bother her.

I stood up and stretched when I heard the gas nozzle click. I'd split the journey between two days, and was less than fifty miles away. Excitement was starting to peek through my exhaustion. La Push is such a close community, even being only half- Quileute like I am, they treated me like family the few times I'd been on the reservation when I was younger.

My phone vibrated against my bare legs, startling me from the peaceful mood that driving through the serene Washington forests had put me in.

I smiled when my dad's face popped up on the screen and hit 'Answer'.

"Hey, daddy!"

"Hey, sweetie. Are you at your mom's yet?"

"Almost. I overslept a this morning so I'm a little behind schedule." He chuckled. "Hey, your fault for finding a motel with such comfy beds."

"Your mom is getting anxious. I'm pretty sure she's designed and redesigned your room in her head twenty times by now. Don't worry, I talked her out of the pink butterfly wallpaper. And the fairies."

I groaned. "She still thinks I'm 13."

He laughed again. "If she's done anything too horrible, I'll mail you your bedroom stuff."

"Thanks, dad. I'll text you when I get there. Love you!"

OOOOOOOO

I was right when I said that my mom still thought I was 13. When she practically dragged me out of my car she took one look at me and nearly burst into tears.

"You're so grown up!" I examined her while she examined me. I had always looked like my mom. And the resemblance had only gotten stronger. I had gotten her tiny frame, tanned skin, and too-big green eyes. The only thing that I had gotten from my dad was his dark blonde hair.

My mom had her black hair curled and big. Her eyes were darkly lined with black eyeliner. She wore a black tank top and ripped skinny jeans. My mom was a beautician in Forks and a bartender in Port Angeles and Laken liked to throw around the word 'cougar' when he talked about her. I was starting to believe it.

"So, I haven't done anything with your room yet," I mentally replayed the conversation I had with my dad in my head. "But don't worry, I took the next couple of days off work so we can get you all set up!"

OOOOOOOO

Two hours later and I found myself in the passenger seat of her car, on the way to Port Angeles to shop.

"So how far away is Port Angeles?" I tried making conversation.

"A little over an hour." I glanced up from my phone, where my dad was commiserating with me through text.

"And you drive all the way there for work?"

"Only on Friday and Saturday nights, usually about three weekends out of the month. A lot of times I just spend the night with one of my girlfriends I work with. A hope that won't bother you?"

I shook my head. Definitely not. I could already tell I was going to have more freedom with her than I had back in California.

"So! What's your favorite color now?"

OOOOOOOO

A week later I woke up to knocking on the front door. My room was right above the stairs, which were right in front of the door. When I heard no movement from downstairs, I figured my mom couldn't hear the door from her room in the back of the house.

So reluctantly I got out of bed. I tossed a hoodie on over my sports bra and sleep shorts and staggered down the stairs.

Sue Clearwater stood smiling at me from behind the screen door. Something I always thought was weird on the rez was that no one locked their doors, screen doors were preferred and windows were left open during all seasons except winter.

"Hi, Sue." Sue's daughter, Leah, had babysat me the last summer I spent in Washingon, when I was ten.

"Good morning, Indiana. I know your mom usually doesn't choose to join in the party preparations, but I thought maybe you'd like to come along? Get to know some of the other girls your age." She smiled and I knew I was going to have a hard time saying no to Sue. She was just too nice.

"Sure, Sue. Let me just get dressed and tell my mom where I'm going."

"Just head on over when you're ready."

When she made it down the porch steps I groaned and turned back to the stairs. There went my sleeping-in plans. And what was I supposed to wear anyways? Were jeans appropriate for making a traditional tribal dinner with the elder women of the tribe?

When I came back downstairs in jeans and my favorite flat-heeled boots my mom was sitting at the table, chugging down coffee.

I pecked her on the cheek. "I'm going with Sue Clearwater to cook, or something."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't have to get involved with that if you don't want to. Jeez, you've been here a week and they're recruiting you."

"I don't mind. I need to meet some of the other girls so I'm not a total loser when school starts." I grinned at her. "I'm guessing you don't ever go, then?"

She shook her head. "Those women spend all day slaving over a feast for a party that most of them aren't even allowed to attend. I've never understood it." She glanced at me. "But you have fun, I guess. Text me if you need rescuing."

I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and headed towards the Clearwater house. Which, like everything on the rez, is in walking distance. I've barely used to my car since I got here.

I walked past a group of the rez boys playing basketball in the street and paused. What are they feeding these boys? Steroids?

Sue was packing things into the bed of her truck when I reached her.

"Indiana! Just in time. I need to pick up some things at the Atera's shop for tonight." She held the keys up to me. "You mind driving?" I felt my eyebrows rise.

"I don't mind." I climbed into the cab of the truck and glanced over at her, she grimaced just slightly as she hoisted herself into the passenger seat and I was instantly worried.

"Are you okay, Sue?"

I guess the expression on my face was pretty serious because she laughed. "I'm fine, just turned my wrist out fishing the other day. It's still a little sore."

OOOOOOO

The Atera's shop was just as I remembered it from when I was a kid. Quil Atera was propped up on his elbows behind the counter, looking bored and half asleep. He straightened up when Sue walked in. I remembered him from the mixed age Elementary school classes the rez had. Pre-School through second grade was all in the same building, and except for math and writing, the classes were all ages. There just wasn't enough kids to do it any other way.

"Hey, Sue. Can I help you find anything?"

She grinned at him. "You might. Know if your dad got any tomatoes in?" Abram Atera was the center of all the agriculture of the tribe. The farmers sold their produce to him, same with the hunters and fishers. The rest of the store was stocked by shipments from Seattle. The store had everything from a small pharmaceutical section to tires and motor oil. Everything needed to keep a small village stocked with the basics.

While Sue picked through fresh produce Quil walked over to me. "Indiana, right? We used to have Music class together."

I nodded. "You shot spit balls at me."

He laughed. "Yeah… Sorry about that." He held out his hand. "No hard feelings?"

I shook hands with him. "No more spit balls."

The two of us helped Sue pick out and load vegetables into the backseat of the truck. Quil hugged us both goodbye and pecked Sue on the cheek and then we headed to the Uley's.

Shaw, the Uley matriarch, met us on the porch and hugged and kissed both of us. I had never met most of the Uley family before, but they greeted me with open arms and reminded me again why I loved coming to Washington so much.

I was introduced to the Uley's- Samuel, Sam, Joseph, and Shaina- before the guys were shooed outside and we headed into the kitchen. Jo Atera and her sister, Mal, were sitting at the table with an older woman I didn't recognize, and a girl my age.

Sue walked over to stand behind the sitting girl. "Indiana, this is Korinne Call, and her grandmother, August. And of course you already know the Atera's." Jo stood up to hug me, and I leaned over Mal to kiss her cheek. She had problems with one of her legs.

Shaw gave me a gentle push towards a table set up in front of the open back door. "You girls can start chopping the tomatoes. I guess the other girls didn't feel the need to show up?" She gave Korinne a disapproving look. "Cut them finely, but don't squish. Korinne, show Indiana."

I followed Korinne to the back of the room where Sam and Joseph had stacked the bags of tomatoes and suddenly found myself disapproving of 'the other girls' as well when I realized that now the two of us were probably going to be expected to cut up six bags of tomatoes.

I sat down next to Korinne, who didn't seem phased by the amount of tomatoes.

She handed me a knife. "I go by Korie, by the way." She grinned.

"Indie." She handed me a tomato.

"You know how to cut a tomato, right?" She gave me a look that made me laugh.

"Yeah, I think I can manage it." She laughed and handed me a tomato.

"So what brings you here?"

"I used to live here actually. With my mom, Summer Quay." I glanced over just in time to see her blush. "What, you have a crush on my mom?" I laughed.

"No!" She blushed again.

"Then what?"

"Um…" She was struggling, I could tell.

"Laken?"

She looked over, wide eyed.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him."

She looked relieved. "Thanks."

"You should tell him, though." She was definitely cute. And not that much younger than him.

She shook her head. "Here, your brother is in what I call the 'cool kids' group. I, am the furthest from."

I laughed. "Oh God, Laken's a popular kid? He never told me." I was going to give him so much shit for this. "So who else is in this 'cool kids' group? So, I know who to watch out for.

She named a whole bunch of people I didn't know, but some that I did. Quil Atera, Jacob Black, Paul Lahote, Embry and Atoka Call, Leah and Seth Clearwater.

"So we avoid these people?" I leaned towards her and tried to look serious.

"Oh, God, no! I would do anything to get in with them." I laughed.

"So who do we avoid, then." She rolled her eyes.

"Ugh, lemme tell you about my sister…"

I grinned. It looked like I had finally found a friend in La Push. And it only took me a damn week.

OOOOOOOOO

What seemed like an eternity later, and was actually about three hours, so yeah, forever; the food was done.

The teen boys came in from playing basketball to carry it to wherever it was going. I was holding the door open for them. Jacob Black was among the group being ordered around by Shaw. He paused when he saw me.

"Little Miss Indiana Willow Quay." Yeah, mom's last name, Indian tribal laws, long story. "I heard you were in town." Shaw handed him a pot for each arm.

I smiled at him. "Hey, Jacob." He grinned at me on his way out the door. Korie stood next to me, awestruck.

I pushed her. "You're such a girl."

OOOOOOOO

While the group of women stood around Sue's living room and talked, I waved a silent goodbye to Korie and snuck out the kitchen door. Sue and Shaw, the only two that were invited to the actual party or council or whatever it was, had already left. It was ten at night now, and I figured for the rest of the night the women would just be waiting for their men to come home, either from the council/party, or in Jo and Mel's case, out hunting.

And I needed to email my best friend from back home anyways. I hadn't talked to her in a week and I figured she'd be about ready to drive up here if she didn't hear from me soon.

The walk home was peaceful. Somehow, La Push did just seem safer than the rest of the world.

The house was dark when I got home, so I tiptoed up the stairs to my room and shut the door. My laptop, which my dad got me for school, but was mostly just used to watch cat videos, was still packed in my closet, so I dug it out and plopped down at my desk, ready to type out a ridiculously long email about what I'd eaten for lunch all week.

A little after midnight I was startled by a knock on my window. I watched as the window opened and Jacob Black's grinning face emerged. I jumped up and walked towards him, hoping he would get the hint and keep his voice down so my mom wouldn't hear. When I got closer I could see Seth Clearwater behind him.

"Don't worry, I could set of a line of Black Cats and your mom wouldn't hear it, mostly because she's not here." I shook myself. Duh! It was Friday night.

How did you get up here?" I asked. Stupidly, I might add.

"I climbed. I've done it a million times when me and your brother snuck out. So, you coming or what?" I blinked at him and shook my head. "C'mon, you spent all day setting up for the party and you're not even going to go?"

"I thought we weren't allowed? It's an elder's council thing, isn't it?"

A wolfish grin spread across his face and suddenly I realized that Jacob Black wasn't the little kid that used to pull my pigtails on the playground anymore. "Not that party."

I didn't even have to think about it. I recognized this for what it was; me, getting accepted by the rez's version of the 'cool kids'. Even if only because my brother was one of them.

I slipped my Toms on, grabbed my hoodie, and followed Jacob through the window.

Watching Jacob climb down the side of my house I definitely believed that he'd done this before. He led me across the roof of the wraparound porch, around the corner of my room and towards the back of the house to a tree that was just past the window of Laken's room. And it was a perfect climbing tree. Practically a ladder.

Embry Call was waiting on a four-wheeler in the woods behind the house. When I was six, before my parents split up and we moved to Eureka, California, Embry was my first kiss. And then about a month after that, my first boyfriend. I'd thought about him a lot when we first moved.

"Hey, Indie." He smiled.

"Embry." I nodded to him. There was a second ATV next to Embry's, which Jacob led me to.

I climbed on behind Jacob, enjoying my hands on his hard stomach more than I would ever admit. We tore through the woods and I closed my eyes, the combination of the cool calm brought on by the breeze and the exhilaration of the speed we were going making me grin uncontrollably.

As we got further and further from the village I slowly started to hear music. As the music got louder I started to hear voices and laughing. I opened my eyes. A hundred or so feet in front of us was a bonfire, people dancing and laughing and kissing around it.

Jacob slowed to a stop and we climbed off. There were off-roading vehicles of all types scattered around the clearing. Four-wheelers, three-wheelers, dirt bikes.

Jacob took my hand to help me navigate the dark, uneven ground. Leah Clearwater met me at the edge of the clearing and pulled me into a hug. "Indie! I didn't know you were back in town." She pulled back and I smiled at her.

"For about a week now. Where have you been?"

"Roadtrip to Canada with some girlfriends. C'mon." She pulled me towards the bodies dancing and I let go of Jacob's hand to go with her. She led me to a group of girls that were about her age, her girlfriends, I guessed. One of them was Atoka, who came over to hug me.

I danced with them for a while and Seth brought me several plastic cups of beer from a keg strapped to the back of someone's four-wheeler.

I twirled and laughed with Leah and Seth, who I could tell felt awkward hitting on girls in front of his sister, and stuck with us instead.

"So what brings you back to our part of the country, white girl?" Akota asked me. Usually 'white girl' was what you called someone when you wanted to insult them, but she gave me a teasing smile and pulled on my ponytail so I knew she was digging more at my blonde hair than my actual ethnicity.

"Just missed everyone." I made a pouty face at her. "I'm thinking about staying for the school year. Get reacquainted with everyone and keep my mom company while Laken's away."

"What about your dad? He won't get lonely?" Leah asked.

I shook my head. "Nah, his girlfriend lives with him."

"Is that why you really left? Didn't like her?"

"No, she's awesome. I think I just wanted a change for a little while. And I really did miss it here."

Atoka started to ask me another question when Leah groaned from behind me. "Who invited the white girl?" This time, I could tell she definitely meant it as an insult. I glanced around, trying to figure out who she was talking about. At the very edge of the fire's glow, Jacob stood with a girl. She had her arms crossed over her chest, she looked uncomfortable. Jacob looked subdued.

Glancing behind me, I wondered if their standoffishness had anything to do with Jacob's friends. Leah was glaring at Jacob, and Paul was sending a not-exactly-friendly look at the girl.

"Who is that?"

Seth answered me, his voice whispering; so as not to set off his sister, I figured. "Her name's Bella. She's nice, but a lot of people here don't like her because of the way she strings Jake along. She tends to break his heart."

Leah started to say something when she was interrupted by a howl from across the campfire, followed by laughter. Leah grabbed my hand and started towards the disarray of vehicles. "C'mon! It's time!" I was forced to run after her.

"Time for what?"

"Time to go!" I glanced around for Jacob, to let him know I was leaving. "Where's Jacob?"

"Who needs him?" But I caught sight of him to my left and met his eyes. I pointed at Leah and he gave me a half-grin and raised his arms like 'what can you do?'.

Leah pulled me towards a dirt bike and turned towards me. She had a huge grin on her face.

"Are you ready for this?"


End file.
